Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is doing extremely well for a Monday. Had some calls to make, check. That in of itself is extraoridnary, so after that I was like woo hoo!!! Hard part of my week is done. How is it that when I call my sister, or my freinds and family I can talk for literally hours on end droning on forever and when I have to make an official bussiness call my head get dizzy, my fingers fidget, my heart rate goes up. It's perfectly absurd to be so undone by formal phone calls. So I hope you appriciate that when my goal for the week was to make these three calls and I got them all done in one day what an accompishment that is. Now I need a new goal. Hmmm. I'll get back to you on that.
I was wondering love stories. There was this one movie I was watching which was kinda recent and it's ending was sooo happy that I it felt like someone was sitting in their house thinking, Hmm how can I make the happiest ending ever even more happy and amazing and they came up with this movie. I like happy ending actually. I cry over them too. I just love when love is discovered. I love watching that moment when the characters choose to let go of the formula issue and give over to the formula kissing so that the formula breakup can ensue so I can close in on the big pay off of the formula Happy Ending. I LOOOOVE IT!!!! So what I was wondering was not the happy ending part but the after part I think all those things have a place in our love stories. I think we don't honor the rituals of this formulatic wooing dance. Not that it should feel like a formula, but it is kinda. Boy meets girl, awkwardness ensues. Boy need to be real and tell girl why she is special and unique in all the world. Girl needs to reciprocate. Boy and Girl are frightened by real it is and pull away. Happy endings are when Boy and Girl realise that love is bigger than fear. Tragedy is when fear rules the day. So yeah for happy endings in love stories
Sarahphim signing out

Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is not very focused and not really down with typing. So everybody go out and buy your self your favorite kind of drink and have a good time. Amen.
sso

Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is a little blue today. The cold I thought I'd kick is kinda back in a yucky cough and I just want to feel better. Tonight was a really cool Halloween party that I always have fun at and I stayed home rather than cough and feel yucky out. Stupid coughing. It hurts my throat and my stomach and my ribs and my head. Yuck!!! Can I sound any more whine-y?
I wonder about cars on a ferry boat. Not going anywhere yet collectively all going to the same place. Over and over zillion times a day. Well maybe not Zillions. But that's it. Just from one side of the sound to the other. Are they going to work? Are they going to play? The regulars don't leave their cars much. The tourist hang of the deck trying to get the best shot of Seattle behind them. I know I have my own said photo. I like to sit in my car with the window down unless it's fall or winter, and watch everything that moves on the water. The freighters, the sailboats, the kayaks, floating debris or just garbage floating by. What would happen if I dropped a message in a bottle over the side? Would it just sink? would I get a fine? Would the jellyfish at pier 59 eat it? Maybe on my next crossing I give it an experiment.
Sarahphim signing out.

Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is slow dancing with the moon. I love the moon. It's just magic. Once I was at Hampton beach on the east coast. There was this huge wall, a breaker. We we're driving back from Boston up to York, ME. And it was completely clear night with a full moon the size of . . . . .something really really big. We climbed up the breaker and looked out onto the ocean. The tide was full and flush, beating against the rocks below spraying me in the face and that moon. It shone just for me for that moment and lit up the entire sea so that it look like diamonds dancing in the darkness. The goddess and Neptune making love like there were no other elements in the world. Oh sorry, I forgot the wind. Wind can not be left as a mere foot note. It whirled my hair around my face mixing it up in the spray, it caressed the water into sharp white peaks and billowing foam. Magic.
"If I should visit the moon, well I'll dance on a moon beam and then, I will make a wish on a star. I will wish I was home once again."
I wonder if moonbeams are like sunbeams and carry Gods blessing down on them? The next time I go moon bathing I will ask them.
Sarahphim signing out.

Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is pretty happy today. I was thinking about pumpkins and pumpkin carving. I really like it. From the beginning, going to the farm and seeing the pumpkin patch. I was not a believer in the Great Pumpkin so the pumpkin patch for me was not so mythic sacred as it was just sacred. First it was the crunch of crisp Autumn leaves under your not so new school shoes at this point. Mom giving instructions to dad on the kind of pumpkins she wanted. "No no, not that one it has a dent on that side, how bout that one over there." My sister and I were given full leash to hunt, inspect, and pick out the most perfect pumpkin to inflict with cuts and grooves. Picking the perfect Pumpkin is an art. Like my mother said "No Dents" That's a bad carving pumpkin the bump will either tip the pumpkin. Now for long time I was obsessed with small pumpkins. Not too small it had to have a carveable face. But just small enough. Hah. With the diligence of CSI investigator at crime scene I inspected each specimen until the perfect pumpkin was found. Successful with our searches we would return home and then wait. If you carved them too early they got mushy so we usually waited to the last week before Halloween. Then the careful intricate planning took place as I dreamed about the face I would put on my Hallowed out creation. On the day of the gutting. We would cover our table with newspaper. Dad would cut the tops out just right so that the hole was not too small and the lid fit back on right and there was notch for ventilation. Then I would scoop out all the guts, cold and squishy and awesome. After the de-gutting was the moment, the great glorious moment of all that plotting and dreaming would come to fruition as I drew my design on my pumpkin. And it was. . . . . .
What I carved every single year of my mostly pre college life. Two triangle eyes, one triangle nose and a big mouth, sometime with one tooth sometimes with no teeth. Brilliant. God Bless Pumpkin Carving for Halloween!!
Sarahphim singing out.

Sarahphim's World

Sarahphim is feeling yeah better today. I was back at work and everything. I miss my little guys when I am home sick. Yeah for breathing! I've been thinking about forest fires. What a wild force of nature, or thoughtless men. (And women too, for those who can't stand feminine pronouns.) I'll think about that subject another day. I thought of all the men and women fighting this elusive creature. I thought of all the people living in a stadium right now. Most people were able to know in advance that they were in danger and save a few precious items from their home. I wondered if faced with such a situation what would I choose to save? I don't have anything that dear to me. I have a bear I still sleep with I would save him. I would make sure I had my wallet and cell phone, but I could walk away from everything else. Which is a bit odd considering just how much stuff I actually have. I have enough sets of dishes to entertain parties of 8-10 every night of the week and never need to use the same dishes twice. I have zillions of cd's most of which I've not listened to in six months. I have countless shoes and outfits that I swear at the time I needed more than anything else in the world. I own a lot of crap. And I continue to collect even more crap at an alarming rate, and yet I would walk away from it all with just my wallet, cell phone and bear and leave all that crap to crispen and warp and melt and dissolve into thick blankets of ash and hot glowing coals.
I wonder if I got rid of my bear it would go somewhere and be alive like the velveteen rabbit.
As a child I could never wrap my head around why the had to throw the rabbit away. Scarlet Fever!?!?!?!? What ever, they wouldn't have gotten bear. no way. Stupid grownups.
Anyway my prayers are with the families making tough choices about what to leave behind, for the brave men and women fighting the fire, the families living in the stadium, and the families of the men woman fighting that they come home safe.
Sarahphim signing out.

Sarahphim's World

Today Sarahphim is very sick. My throat is soar and I think I need to just sleep. I've been think would it really be that awfull not to have a nose. Or to be more specific and more graphic, would it really be tragic if human bodies just ceased producing mucas. Ah yes what a wonderful world that would be. however I fear pharmicudicals would be very sad. Boo Hoo.
I wonder about football. I mean strictly from a very girly perspective. I like that people intive each other to their home and eat yummy food, and talk and cheer and all that fun football stuff. But football itself. I mean what's so fun about being smashed into the ground. I know all about touchdowns and yardage and passes and plays but come on. When it's all said and done your face in in the grass eating dirt and like 12 other guys are piled up on top of you. And to the looser guy on top! Did you think the other ten guys missed? I mean what! really. I saw I guy today playing with a broken arm wrapped up like big ol club, you know the kind that you can bash up side someone head and do some pretty massive dammage. Well I'm sure his arm was not a leathal weapeon but I thought it must have been pretty useful to knock down guys down with exept for the fact that ITS BROKEN!!! How is that a good idea. Any way I'm just a girly girl when it comes to such things.
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Sarahphim's World

Today Sarahphim is pretty gosh darn good. Chocolate at mom and dad's: check. Leisurely Saturday morning and afternoon ferry commute back: check. All in all a pretty damn good day. I have been thinking about swearing. I once said that when I hear people swear my opinion of their intelligence drops dramatically. Which is some times true. But I know several highly intelligent people who swear and it doesn't phase my opinion of them at all. Lord knows I swear so it's not like I think I'm better than swearing people. It just that there is a difference between "F**k! I lost my keys" or "F-ing stupid door jam did you not see my toe?" as opposed to "you f-ing mother f-er why can't you ever do anything right." And then I thought, that doesn't really denote intelligence, rather than what I can only say is civilized versus uncivilized. But then my head starts to hurt from all that over thinking the issue. I figure, words have power. It is wise to use them to build things up and people too. So if you swear and a person is made to feel small and um and or, insignificant, then that is pretty barbaric and uncivilized. Might as well go live in a cage and eat bananas. Though I'm pretty sure you'd find some gorillas even there that would totally out class you. If you swear because it releases pent up anger and frustration that needs to come out that makes sense. But what I hate most is people who just use it to sound vernacular slang jargon. If you don't want a job in the world of suits, then fine talk as nasty as your bad ass allows. Other wise don't complain about the haves versus the have not, I bet all the haves have impeccable speech and wield their vocabulary with power and skill. But now I know I'm judging and coming from one not above the f-word I don't mean to put swearers down. I'm just saying words have power and we have an obligation to be impeccable with our speech. Most of the time, when small children aren't about, and my toe is safe inside my boot.
Sarahphim signing off.

Sarahphim's World

Today Sarahphim is a lovely shade of meloncholy, I mean, umm. Well see it's on days like today when the wind is howling and the rain is well, raining and It's chilly enough to need a blanket while curled up on a couch with either my two charges perched on my lap reading books, or just me curled up on a couch reading a book, or like to day. In my car on the Farry watching the swells crashing in upon itself and the spray and rain dashing my windshield, those are what I think of meloncholly days. Just a sweet stillness of calm and peace not really meloncholy which I guess means something different then that. Any way that's not the point. really. Stupid language not meaning everything I want it to mean.
The point is gray is good. It curls up inside me like a cat on coushy couch. Purrs and is content to just be. Gray with a hint of sun bouncing of brilliant gold leaves blowing in said wind, well just color me happy in meloncholly colors.
You ever wonder about Saints? I've been wondering about them alot cause it seems to be that season. I mean in my churches right now. I like Saint's, they have done some stellar stuff. But mostly I think how since I was like maybe five years old and learned how to sing the song "I sing a song of the saints of God" how I have know like I know how to laugh, that I just have to be a saint. Not because I'm overly stellar, but because I just because I know that's what God wants me to be. He wants me to love people so hard that they really know how unique and special they are. He wants me to listen to everyones story so I can know his people and them all. He wants me give everything I have to his people so that they know his love not by mens words but by my works. I've known this since I was five. I wonder if I can really be a saint just because I want to or believe this is what God wants from me. I've met Saints. My freind Vicky was a saint. She sheparded at risk teens, and gave them hope in a very hopeless environment. She was a saver of Starfish. (If you know that story) My mom's freind Marilyn Brandonburg was a Saint. She had a minisrty in Women Prison and worked with these women in the outside as well as on the inside. Showing them through her works that there is a light in this world and it's not out of reach for anyone. They were not overly stellar, or outrageoulsy good, but they knew what God wanted them to do too.
Any way. I don't know if I'm really a saint or not. Not yet at any rate. I just figure if I do all the things I know God wants me to do, I'll at least have lived out this lifetime doing one thing right in my life.
Sarahphim signing out

Sarahphim's World

Today Sarahphim is Hmmmm. Not too good, not too bad just kinda hmmmm. A Hmmmm in my head kind of day. Hmmm about Church, Hmmm about communication, Hmmmm about what to eat for lunch. Hmmmm about what do I want to do this weekend. The only thing I'm really sure about is that Saturday after COTA there is a bunch of bands playing a the Mosaic to raise awareness about sexual trafficing of minors. I think. I was paying attention but I could not keep it all between my ears. But the music at Mosaic is for sure. At 7pm if any one else wants to come with me. The other thing I know I want to do this weekend is go to my parents house. I like going there. I get heathly well-balanced meals for free, I get talk with my folks, and they buy me chocloate milk to drink. Yes I suppose I could by it for myself but then there's the ohh it's too much sugar or too much moeny. It's sugarless and moneyless when they buy it. And it's very thoughtful that they think to do it every time I come to visit. What I do not know if I want to do is go to church. I love church. I love the people at my church. But something is not connecting and I don't know what it can be. So I think I will go and see if I cannot work through it. I think there are so many new things going on with my church that it's one of those times to just sit back and let it ride and hold onto my chips a little longer.
I was wondering about twiling. It's a fine art to twirl. Especially on blustery days like today. See you got first tilt your head back and then close your eyes and then slowly start to turn. The wind starts to push you one way and as you spin faster you start to push back at it another way. And then as your speed increases your hair gets caught up and swirls in your eyes. Your ears start to hear a rush like the sound of the ocean in a seashell. And just before you get too dizzy to stand and fall down you feel yourself start to lift off the ground and soar just for a split second before gravity reminds you there's no days off for him on planet earth. Just this past fall I got to see the Whirling Dervishes. And my first thought was huh. Look at them spinning. But then you watched and your spirit got caught up with their whirling and then it wasn't spinning at all but some wonderful wind blowing in your face and howling in your ear and your spirit is flying for real around your soul. So this wondering is like a dear abbey advise maybe. Take time to twirl. It'll do ya some good.
Sarahphim signing out

Today in Sarahphim's world, she was pretty tired. I could have slept for a hundred days. I am afraid I enjoy sleeping rather much. It's one of my fave things. I think it's because I have amazing dreams. I figure this about my dreams. See I love movies, have devoted countless hours of my lifetime to the enjoyment of motion pictures. So my dreams feel like movies. A.) I feel like I sit in a theater chair and watch them even if I am a character in my dream. B.) they are as exiting and adventerous as movies are to me. So I think dreaming is mostly why I love sleeping. There's also this peice about cocooning but that's another therapist visit. While I was being tired today instead of daydreaming, or actually dozing, I watched a movie called the Family Stone. I had seen it before. I liked it before. Today it was triggering all my saddlebag crying emotions. So while the babies where sleeping I was weeping to this tragically not overlly sad movie but just emtional enough to be like "Damn, why am I crying?"
I wonder how we see our dreams. I mean our eyes are closed and the images aren't external. And I don't wear glasses in my dream which are fairly high def. So that means I have to think about an internal eye. What else does it see besides dreams? How am I able to control it? Maybe I can't. What if my internal eye is what God show me. It he the director or me? Hmmmm. What I think about my internal eye is that I'm really glad I can see movies in my head as well as on the screen. It would be cooler if that eye had power like telekenisis or something but Ah well.
Sarahphim signing out.

Today in Sarahphim's world things felt fuzzy. Work can be overloaded and then it's easy to loose track. Somedays clarity doesn't seem to be apart of the Sarahphims world. Hmm.
I wish I could summon clarity like a broomstick. "Accio Clarity!" Mmmm no. Nothing yet. If I could summon clarity any time I wanted, I would build a structure to hang my hangy down things on. I would write some sort of childrens novel locked away in my nightime dreams. I would be able to keep a schedule of all the events I needed to be at and then insert things I want to be at and keep them all straight and not miss any. If I could summon clarity anytime I wanted to I would use it to keep my finances straight and not misplace bills and suffer charges for late payments. But instead I have to deal with fuzzy. At least today that is. Sometimes I know what clarity looks like but it's not a lengthy visitor.
Have you ever wondered where forgotten thoughts go to? I mean according to my bio teacher the info is still there it's just that the retreaval system is down. So where do they hide? I imagine my forgotten thoughts are all blocked up on disconnected synapse just waiting to jump across but never getting the chance. Then the would all pool up and I have substancial lake of forgotten thoughts. All of them stuck in a lake by a dam of one little worn out synapse that refuses to keep trying to make the conection. I was just wondering. That's all.
Sarahphim signing out